When being justifiably angry goes wrong

[Wreckoning]

I just hate it when I'm angry at someone for something, yet at the end of the day, I end up being the one to apologize just for the sake of getting along. Even when I'm actually right, but somehow things get turned around on me.

[Tyrant-Foulu]

I feel you man. I think in my case is because I tend to over-apologize or maybe because I empathize with most people, I blame my job in that case. Still it does bothers me when I am right and people still wants me to apologize and give them the reason just for the sake of them being right and not fighting anymore.

Man, you should go to the welcoming board Believe me, you're going to love this place, welcome.

[Thetis ♦]

Just my thread. Seriously, though, I get into a lot of conflicts in my life, with varying levels of drama. Some of it my own fault, sometimes other people's. C'est la vie, and all that.

A lot of the times, I do feel I'm justified in my feelings, and for taking necessary actions to stop the situation from escalating. Other times, I'm definitely in the wrong. However, as always, it usually takes two people to start a conflict, and at some point, I know I should just walk away and not progress any further in the situation, or somebody's going to do something they will regret. Not to say that's always the case, sometimes, I do everything I could have humanly done, and they still walk away with doing a lot of stuff I think they should have apologized or somehow do reparations for.

That reminds me of something that happened to me recently. I ended up taking all the blame for it too...then again, the person who I had wronged was a sixteen year old girl who, suffice to say, is immature, and doesn't know any better. Granted, I did my own fair share, but she had to make it worse by accusing me of things that never happened. What to do in this situation? If an apology or admittance that someone is wrong is what you need to move on, then...that's really kind of hard to work with. Because most people won't even give you that much. I guess...prioritize. What injustice did you suffer? If it's something smaller, then you can easily forgive them, and still get along with the person, but if you're talking betrayal or something truly horrible, then why still associate with them? Also, how much did you care about that person to begin with?

They should know that your feelings were hurt though, to start with. If they truly care about you, they'll understand (or try to) see things from your point of view. In that case, you can always discuss the specifics further with said person. As always, it's better to talk these things out instead of letting a grudge build. Those tend to come out when you're really upset with the person over something they did later...ook.

[Wreckoning]

A long-time friend of many years ended up lying to me about something fairly important. When I found out, I acted irrationally and said something that I knew she'd be angry about. I didn't address the slight that I felt, but instead made mention of dating someone that I knew she hated with a passion. She exploded, I exploded back, and we didn't speak for six months. Finally, she approached me looking for an apology for "attacking" her. Thing was, I didn't attack her, I said I'd go through with dating this other girl. The real fact was, she attacked ME for it. Now, I know that I did so as a means to spark an inflamatory remark from her, but I never actually directed the statement AT her. Was a Facebook post using general statements, as I'm a crafty little bastard and know how to word things in specific ways. I know I did wrong by inflaming her, but I also know that I was pretty hurt by her dishonesty.

In the end, I ended up apologising for attacking her, even though I know full well that I did not actually do so. However, I'm still pretty hurt, and now barely speak to her at all. I regret the stunting of a friendship of eight years, but some things are just hard to get over.

[Wreckoning]

Stupid thing double-posed on me. Edit for the win!

Also, I did post in the Welcoming board. I was here many years ago, but just can't remember my user info. I didn't intend to leave, but I got caught up in another forum for FullMetal Alchemist role play and then started playing WoW. It's amazing how life speeds by so fast that you lose track of what you loved.

[Thetis ♦]

It's sad to see a long-term friendship or relationship end, but the truth of the matter is that you're not going to be the same person you were, and she probably has changed too. Sometimes people grow apart, and it's really just a bad thing to let it continue, especially when you're both hurting each other.

I would have asked her if she knew what she did wrong. If she refuses to admit to anything, then you know that it's probably best that you stay away from each other. Even if it is difficult. I had friends that left me because of who I am. It hurts a lot, but if they can't accept you, you're better focusing on people that actually want to talk to you, without demanding something like an apology. It would have been fine if she admitted her wrongdoing as well. But it's rather...too much weight was put on you.