Why is everyone so fixated on being depressed?

[burin077]

I never thought I'd be one to write one of these, but I'm finally tired of it and I need somewhere to write it down in. My LiveJournal's not exactly a place for venting my anger, so I'm glad there's a place of ranting here to do so.

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The last few weeks for me haven't exactly been a shining example of the enduring nature of the human race, I've come across a number of different people that just constantly feel the need to put themselves into a state of depression almost purposefully, it's actually even cost me a friend. (No they didn't die, but I couldn't take them being so damn emotional anymore.)

Let me list a few examples:

- One person seemed to feel the need to always be miserable, they'd constantly complain about how everything isn't working their way and that everyone is upset with them when they think it's not their fault. They seem to easily shift the blame off themselves just so that they can constantly feel picked on.

- One friend of mine broke off a relationship and has been in break-up hell for almost a year, I have constantly advised them to just move on with their lives and to let the feelings pass, however every week they post a new blog about how they're pining over their ex still, even using words that make them seem like they're considering some sort of suicide. I've confronted them on this already, and even though they consistently say they'll get over it, it seems to get worse and worse for them every day.

- One has decided to cover up their insecurities and such by trying to find some medical illness they can pass it off as. As silly as this sounds, they're being insistent on this and it's seriously made me question how they actually perceive their friends. Why would someone go through all the trouble to look up an illness and pass off their own insecurities as that?

Is this world starting to go mad? Are we all as a race beginning to embrace failure and depression and accept the fact that we're all a bunch of rejects? It's a sad sight when friends who were once enjoyable people to be around, so full of energy and vigor, are now lifeless husks brooding in their rooms listening to music that just fuels their hatred for themselves even further. I may have hatred myself, but at least my hatred is healthy! I don't hate myself, I hate the fact that my friends are not what they once were anymore, they're complete hypocrisies of what they said they'd be!

- B

[Thetis ♦]

As someone who's suffered from severe depression, I can understand the tendency to want to wallow for a while, especially when you've just been struck hard by life. However, from how you're describing some of your friends, I can't say that I would be inclined to wallow for that long and at everybody's expense. The one faking the illness especially annoys me because I am suffering from some bona fide health problems, and I just think taking advantage of other people's goodwill is manipulative.

Also, if they're this disruptive with some problems, I'd really hate to see how they'd react to being curbstomped by life. I guess my philosophy is that everybody has problems. But you've got to get through them, and whining and complaining about them aimlessly isn't going to solve anything for you. Wallowing for too long always makes it worse. I can see complaining to a friend to get some constructive criticism and advice, and sometimes talking to someone can help, but you can't dump on people constantly or else they're just not going to want to put up with you.

Pet peeve: when people throw tantrums when they don't get their way or something otherwise goes wrong in their lives. As a victim of someone's temper tantrum after some very cruel things they did, which basically amounted to: "I'm going through a hard time and that makes doing wrong to you okay because I'm suffering." Right...

[burin077]

As someone who's suffered from severe depression, I can understand the tendency to want to wallow for a while, especially when you've just been struck hard by life. However, from how you're describing some of your friends, I can't say that I would be inclined to wallow for that long and at everybody's expense. The one faking the illness especially annoys me because I am suffering from some bona fide health problems, and I just think taking advantage of other people's goodwill is manipulative.

Also, if they're this disruptive with some problems, I'd really hate to see how they'd react to being curbstomped by life. I guess my philosophy is that everybody has problems. But you've got to get through them, and whining and complaining about them aimlessly isn't going to solve anything for you. Wallowing for too long always makes it worse. I can see complaining to a friend to get some constructive criticism and advice, and sometimes talking to someone can help, but you can't dump on people constantly or else they're just not going to want to put up with you.

Pet peeve: when people throw tantrums when they don't get their way or something otherwise goes wrong in their lives. As a victim of someone's temper tantrum after some very cruel things they did, which basically amounted to: "I'm going through a hard time and that makes doing wrong to you okay because I'm suffering." Right...

Good to know my feelings are natural in response to this. I think what I'm going to do to get away from all these whiny emotions they're tossing around is take a week off of my messaging systems and not accept friend phone calls for a while, see if it gets through to them that I won't put up with this constant bellyaching they're doing. If they outright demand to talk to me I MIGHT talk to them, but I want to see how they'd react to not getting the attention they want from me over this.

I just don't need the negativity on me when it shouldn't really concern me directly.

- B

[Rei]

Yeah, it sounds like what's irksome is that they're pretending to be victims when they're not and they're avoiding taking responsibility for their actions, not that they're simply unhappy. I'm actually surprised by how Thetis's response is EXACTLY my response, right down to the illness-faking one being especially maddening. It makes people with real physical diseases less likely to be believed when they ask for truly-needed help. It's already horrible how the health insurance companies campaign against acknowledging real physical diseases like Fibromyalgia and Lyme Disease in an effort to not pay for treatment; jackasses who insist liking alcohol or what-have-you is a serious disease compound this further when they reduce the meaning of "disease" to "something I'm doing to myself and don't want to be held responsibility for." I tell you: one of these days, the standard socially-accepted response to "I have Multiple Sclerosis; I need medicine" is going to be "No you don't, You Irresponsible Drunk." By then, it will be too late to stop such callousness, and everyone unlucky enough to get truly-sick will suffer slow, painful deaths no matter what because no one will help them (if you think I'm exaggerating, look at Newt Gingrich's support in the polls!). Frankly, (and this is the bottom line) if this friend is willing to kick the chronically and terminally ill while they're permanently down by pretending to be sick, this friend deserves to suffer.

Also, it's important to note that not acknowledging real physical diseases is just as wrong as healthy people pretending to be sick (and I've seen both more times than I can count), so you need to make sure you have your facts straight. If you live with this person, you'll know whether he/she is truly sick; the truth becomes obvious upon close, 24-7 examination (especially if you lived with him/her before it started). You could also attend (they have these for everything, in every city) a support group meeting to meet others that actually suffer from this disease to get a better understanding of how they suffer - a far better understanding than any online list of symptoms could ever provide.

After the previously mentioned research and verification, I would suggest you write a hand-written letter to that person, follow through in giving him/her the letter, and if he/she decides to reject your feedback stay as far away from them as possible. Doing this with the others is probably wise too. It's like most psychologists say: when someone is causing you nothing but worry, sorrow, and anger, you have to get away from them at all costs.

[Little Russian]

Those people are ill. The fact that someone, say, doesn't qualify as mentally ill by the psychiatric establishment doesn't mean they don't have a serious emotional problem that is as debilitating as physical illness. Mental illnesses that are about negative emotions are just emotional problems that are labelled as illnesses (or "disorders") because they are very severe and/or durable, and the reason for them might be purely biological, or not. It's even more horrible when it's "all in your head" because then you're supposedly just having the blues and are expected to "deal with it". Cancer patients aren't expected to to "deal with it", are they? Some mental states are like "spiritual cancer", though there isn't really anything spiritual about it – because anything that happens in your head is a biological process like anything that happens anywhere else in your body. "Bad mood" has very real, very material biological causes, it's chemicals that run through your system, and sometimes you can't deal with those chemicals, because they themselves or the misery that they cause (which is also a physical reaction) mess with your ability to perform so called "free thinking". Some of those people can't even comprehend that they can do anything to feel better, and, horribly, some might really not be able to. Just like cancer patients need help, so do mental patients, even some people who aren't officially "mentally ill", because the line between illness and being healthy is not perfectly defined when it comes to the psyche. When you just blame people of being weak, then you don't have to feel guilty for not being able to help them. But it's just miserable people, and if they seek your attention, even being "attention whores", it's because they're miserable, and probably not because they want to make you feel bad. Sometimes people just can't handle it on their own, and sometimes you're just not qualified to help the. It's life. Accept the fact that you can't help them, but don't blame them. They really want to feel better (unless they are very seriously disturbed, in which case they should be pitied even more, I guess, because they have even less chance to feel good some time), but they don't know how to achieve that. You don't have to speak with them, but blaming them really is a very simple and immature solution. Sometimes all you can do is suggest that they see a specialist, and they might refuse, and it's hard to realise you can't help a friend, but that's life sometimes.

Rei, have you ever been mentally ill? 'Cause I have been. It causes me physical pain and shuddering to speak to people. I have a terrible fear of doing simple chores, which is very real and very physically painful to deal with, and when I do, for instance, wash the floor or try and write an essay, I do it very slowly and very badly, and hell if I know how this is possible, because I try really hard. And I'm completely physically exhausted by the time that I finish. I sometimes tell lies involuntarily, and I often can't remember whether those things are true or not, even though I try so hard. I'm often physically paralysed due to fear and anxiety, not being able to move for hours, and I do try, believe me; and sometimes, and this, I'm afraid, you might not understand, I can't even bring myself to try. I have never given up. My entire life is a struggle to do the simplest things, like getting a haircut. I'm genuinely afraid of the possibility that the barber will strike a conversation with me, and this fear causes very unpleasant physical discomfort. Maybe you can't understand how "mere" discomfort can be more terrible than pain (which I also have, all the time, from morrow till night), but for me it can. I'm not saying that so that you pity me. I don't give a shit about your pity, it won't make my life easier, I've written all that so that you might understand that mental problems can have very physical, very physically debilitating manifestations. And my case is just extreme, not unique. Depressed and anxious people, as well as alcoholics, by the way (and alcohol addiction is very physical. People going cold turkey on whiskey can die) are very really and very seriously crippled. It doesn't mean they should be left to swim in their own deprivation. It means they need professional help, just like people who suffer from multiple sclerosis. To paraphrase you, I long for the day when all people, upon hearing about a person who has, let's say, depression or suffer from obsession (been there. It wipes your mind. Even when you think you're over it, you're not. It manifests involuntarily), or even have a serious, long standing case of broken heart (which includes both depression and obsession, by the way), would say: "Oh, that person has got a very serious illness, just like multiple sclerosis. They should see a therapist". And one last thing: it's not that I say that people can't overcome their problems by themselves, or tell you not to tell people to get their shit together, but it's not always so. Even when people can help themselves, they usually don't suddenly "snap out of it" with no side effects. I've never seen, read or heard about that happening outside of fiction, and I'm really interested in this subject, so I go through a lot of material. Recovering (yes, recovering) from a bad mental sate, even if it's not an "illness" can be a long and difficult process, prone to periods of regression.

Thetis, you need to get your shit together. You have extremely low self esteem, and I'm not saying that just because of your reply in this thread. You don't owe anyone anything, and it's not "your fault" that you have a troubled personality, as much as it isn't your fault that you suffer from a strange physical illness, which might full well have been caused by your "mental state" (have you had a successful diagnosis yet, by the way?); even if it's cancer or the like. Anxiety shortens your life, c'est la vie, and it's idiocy to blame yourself for your anxiety, as well as for your lack of people skills, because that worsens your anxiety, your ability to communicate, and your physical health, and it's not your fault that you have those mental problems. They just happen. Of course you need to fight them if you can (and you must believe that to a degree you can, because faith is a necessary stimulant). But some things can be overcome relatively quickly, if you know how to treat yourself, some problems take an awful lot of time to solve, and some are permanent - you cannot beat them. That's life. See more professionals. And I'm going to write you some more in a private message, not because I like to torture you, but because I'm genuinely concerned for your well-being because of your sick outlook on life. And no, I'm not going to be nice and politically correct any more, but it's not because I hate you, but because I'm worried.

One more thing: many of you are probably angry at me. But, please, just try, before you write how wrong I am, to ask yourself "What if he's right?" and stay there, with that question, for a moment. Because it's very unpleasant to hear that you are neglecting people simply because it's simpler (in burin's case), or that you you're intolerant of other people because you do not tolerate yourself (Thetis), or that you are globally, grotesquely wrong (Rei). How dare he presume those things about us?! How dare he speak so confidently?! But what if he's right? Stay with that thought for a moment, and if you still want to tell me I'm not a decent person after that, be my guest. I assure you I've heard worse from myself.

EDIT: Just to clarify, I've written all that because your frame of mind really pains me, being as insensitive and wrongly accusing as it is, not because I'd like to argue. I care for people, even though I'm not "nice".

[burin077]

I wouldn't say I'm really neglecting people at all by straying away from my friends who are irking me at the moment, more like taking a break from them for my own sake. I've tried plenty of times already to resolve the issue by talking to them and attempting to clear up the issues with them, even acting as a mediator for them. This gets to be rather ridiculous when say even after a year of constantly trying to assist them through their problems, they're still giving the same schtick over and over again just to find some sort of different answer, almost like they're expecting me to see things their way or for me to agree with them that the world would be better without them. I don't agree with their mindsets at all, but it does come to a point where having to hear someone's sorrows time and time again begins to rub off on you too.

I refuse to become the emotional train wreck that these people have let themselves turn into, and I've done the absolute best I can to try and steer them back onto the road to recovery from it. I don't like the idea of leaving them alone for a while as much as the next person, but I can think of no other alternative at this point. (And before you ask, yes I've advised them to seek help, but that's only angered them any time I've tried it.) I don't really do this because I don't like them for who they are, I do it because I need to get away from the negativity myself before as I said, it rubs off on me.

- B

EDIT - To clarify in my case as well, I know full well what sort of things my friends are going through, that's what makes it that much harder for me because I've experienced it myself. I'm not sounding heartless or selfish by saying this, more like "I can tell you and advise you on everything possible, but if you aren't willing to take the advice or just ignore me, what use is it to you?"

[Little Russian]

Then I think you're doing the right thing. By the way, have you asked anyone else to intervene? Like a family member or someone who is a very influential figure for that person? Maybe it'll help. Also, have you considered forced hospitalisation? I don't know what is required for a person to be forcefully put in a mental institution, but perhaps they qualify? You could check.

[Rei]

Did you see the second paragraph I wrote, Little Russian? It covers the need to verify before judging, and I for one am adament about how serious brain-originating diseases can be. Out of the three I argued to be real, physical diseases, two (Fibromyalgia and Multiple Sclerosis) are (as best we know) syndromes caused by bodily malfunctions, which probably means the brain is malfunctioning in issuing orders. The other one I mentioned (Chronic Lyme Disease) is also likely a syndrome, despite stemming from infection, like AIDS. Furthermore, Lyme Disease is known to cause neurological malfunctions when/if infection spreads to the brain. In fact, whenever doctors insist that Fibromyalgia patients are lying about their pain because there is no inflammation where the pain is being felt, it infuriates me to no end - even more than when healthy people pretend to be sick, because everyone knows the nervous system is a wide-spread, complex system, and the possibility of it going haywire is easily plausible - furthermore, doctors are supposed to try to help their patients, not make excuses to avoid helping them.

I think the key distinction is that choosing to do drugs (including alcohol) is not in the same category and should not be taken as seriously as either chronic infection (indubitably an involuntary physical disease) or brain tumors (indubitably an involuntary mental disease). My main beef with calling poor impulse control a "disease" (with "beyond the person's control" being an inevitable, unfortunate implication) is that most addicts will use it as an excuse to keep hurting themselves. Hanging addicts out to dry is certainly not a solution either, but it's at least a better approach than enabling them by offering them excuses for their behavior or worse (and the U.S. federal government did this to alcoholics for a long time but has thankfully stopped) paying them money only so long as they keep doing drugs.

I certainly would not jump to any conclusion that may result in not helping someone in need (which is why I included that second paragraph in my previous post). Some things that come to mind, for example, are that a number of diseases (like most immune-deficiency diseases) progress from bad to worse over time but start with less aggrivating symptoms like unexplained anxiety ("malaise"), unexplained fatigue, lack of REM sleep, etc. before progressing to excrutiating, chronic pain and ultimately death. It could also be PTSD (or something similar), which also presents (although this time, explained) depression and anxiety (among other things) despite not having any test-able physical cause. The bottom line is that I always search for the truth before deciding, but usually when someone mumbles "I'm sick, so don't arrest me for drunk driving, Bro" while holding one of those huge 40 liter bottles of vodka they end up being a perfectly healthy jackass.

Think of it this way: when a perfectly healthy drunk says their illness should be taken just as seriously as ALS or brain cancer, they're downplaying the dangers of both physical and mental disease. Also, note that while I think nothing of the drug addiction itself, I do take Depression, PTSD, etc. seriously. So if someone says they're depressed, anxious, etc. because they were, for example, violently raped (PTSD) and that "they're also an alcoholic" or "that led them to start drinking," I take the PTSD seriously, but if they expect me to feel sorrow and help them just because they drink, I give them the cold shoulder. Maybe the person suffers from PTSD and drinks, but if they don't even clue me into what's really troubling them, I have no way of knowing how bad things are because they intentionally left me out of it.

Anyway, I'll close by simply saying that if you want people to take your affliction seriously, I suggest you stop doing drugs. There's no way to tell whether (for example) your poor ability to concentrate stems from something in need of medical attention or just booze, if you still get hammered regularly.

[dragon_orb]

Why is everyone so fixated on being depressed?

simple answer:
when shitty things happen to people, they tend to sulk, and what comes after that is either they get over it or "opted out"

[An End For]

The way we live makes us sick. Our generation is the loneliest ever, and we have the tools to be aware of this.

[Little Russian]

Anyway, I'll close by simply saying that if you want people to take your affliction seriously, I suggest you stop doing drugs. There's no way to tell whether (for example) your poor ability to concentrate stems from something in need of medical attention or just booze, if you still get hammered regularly.

Somehow I remember this post ending rather differently. You thought about it for some time, and then providence came and told you that I was probably an addict? I don't do drugs, I rarely drink, I don't gamble, and I don't smoke. I don't even take pain-killers.

You can condemn a person's choice to drink or inject heroin, for example, but when they have become addicted, you can't dismiss the affliction by saying that the addicts have "bad impulse-control". The fact that addiction is treated daftly (like, in your example, by "paying" people to take drugs) or that people use it as an excuse even when they're not addicted to anything, doesn't mean that addiction is a matter to be treated lightly. Addicts give excuses, steal and lie because the addiction overcomes their sense of morality and duty. They crave their addiction to such extent that they cannot just cease being an addict. That doesn't mean they should be treated with kid gloves. People have to be told to get their shit together, and in severe cases be forcefully hospitalised, or else nothing is likely to change, but you have to understand that it's extremely difficult to quit. The addict may lie, steal and hurt your feelings as long as they're addicted, but they'll thank you if they ever recover, and they'll become better people. One's personality isn't solid, as it changes according to circumstances. Addiction will make most of us despicable people.

Also, I object to the claim that people who do have a weak personality ("bad impulse-control") should be treated any less seriously than people who are ill, because not being able to control your impulses is a serious impediment to getting an education and consequently a steady and well-paid occupation, and to forming meaningful, lasting relationships. Also, many people never learn to deal it on their own, so they obviously need assistance. However, acknowledging that someone has a problem doesn't mean that we should drool over them with unconditional and non-demanding affection. Maybe that's an American thing? I think that telling a person that he is an idiot and that he must get his shit together for his own good is a sign of true friendship, and I also think that some people cannot take matters into their own hands unless they are constantly reminded that they can, so trying to help a person can be very frustrating.

My bottom line is, basically, that you shouldn't dismiss people for having an addiction merely on the ground that addiction is treated badly, that non-addicts get the wrong impression about other diseases when addiction is treated as a disease (due, essentially, to their misjudging the addict's condition), and that people use addiction as an excuse, because it is a serious problem that requires treatment and that most people can't overcome on their own. Would you dismiss any other serious condition due to those criteria?

I'm sorry if this post is badly structured. I have a confused thought process.

P.S. I do have a diagnosis, but I don't treat psychiatry very seriously. It reminds me too much of witch-medicine in some of it's aspects, because of how much is left for the doctor's personal interpretation. I've heard personal stories from people who went to experts on different psychiatric diseases and got a different diagnosis from every single one of them, according to their field of expertise. Therefore I'm a bit suspicious.

[An End For]

I decided to take the time and read the long posts in this thread. Depression is indeed a real disease, but I am not going to argue with my dad that "it's just like your multiple sclerosis, pop" because he is pissing his pants in a wheelchair while I'm prancing about without having to worry about self-immunity or cramps or having to move. I have been diagnosed with chronic depression when I was in my early teens, and sometimes, it really is a battle. The upside to it is that it forced me to learn how to manage my frustrations and to "just do it", as our overlords from Nike say. I really can relate with 90% you said, Little Russian... It's excruciating to feel bad. I hated being paralyzed due to anxiety, fear, and sadness... I've been doing so well right now, so I can't complain. I don't remember much from when I was at my worst. It's for the best that I don't.

[Thetis ♦]

Whoo, I need to visit this forum more often to clean up after myself. It's just that it's so seldom when anyone posts anything that I've stopped coming as often. Okay.

Thetis, you need to get your shit together. You have extremely low self esteem, and I'm not saying that just because of your reply in this thread. You don't owe anyone anything, and it's not "your fault" that you have a troubled personality, as much as it isn't your fault that you suffer from a strange physical illness, which might full well have been caused by your "mental state" (have you had a successful diagnosis yet, by the way?); even if it's cancer or the like.

Point taken. I know my self-esteem is extremely low, especially after nine months ago. I had been struggling a long time to grapple with the concept that I could be equal with other individuals--heck, I can't even see myself as having the same legal rights as other individuals after the way the justice system has treated me--but after the events of last February or thereabouts, I stopped trying to force myself to believe that because forcing myself to accept it was living a lie. Maybe I can try to work with that thought later on, when the physical illness subsides long enough for me to spare the resources, but for right now, I have to accept myself as...whatever it is I am.

Also, I guess my view on mankind is that we're more predisposed to evil than good. We on occasion choose to do very good things, but we seem to make a habit of doing whatever benefits ourselves first and foremost, no matter what. And that often results in evil. I am aware that this is a negative and pessimistic perception of mankind, but I feel that it's a veritable fact, and ugly as human nature is, there's no use to pandering to delusions, be they mine or someone else's.

Anxiety shortens your life, c'est la vie, and it's idiocy to blame yourself for your anxiety, as well as for your lack of people skills, because that worsens your anxiety, your ability to communicate, and your physical health, and it's not your fault that you have those mental problems. They just happen. Of course you need to fight them if you can (and you must believe that to a degree you can, because faith is a necessary stimulant). But some things can be overcome relatively quickly, if you know how to treat yourself, some problems take an awful lot of time to solve, and some are permanent - you cannot beat them.

Yeah, I know. The physical illness I have right now--I struggled with it for a very long time, because the symptoms were supposedly induced by stress, anxiety, and depression. I had often wondered if I had more mental integrity, if I wasn't so psychologically weak then none of this would have ever happened, I never would have gotten sick in the first place. This was what my family, especially my father, kept telling me over the last few months. If I talked about hurting and the symptoms, I would be told to stop whining. If I didn't say anything, they thought that I wasn't suffering at all, and that I was feeling fine. In fact, over Christmas, this erupted into a very public argument where both my father and my brother said I was making excuses for myself and being irresponsible. I know I can't count on my family on this, but it's hard when it hurts to move around, and they want you to do things around the house for them. How are you supposed to explain to this to them, especially when you already know that they don't even think you're sick?

I had to drop out of my regular university because I'm too weak to take classes normally. It was a very difficult decision to make, but in the end, an easy one, because it simply became impossible to keep working. In fact, I got a lower grade in one of my classes because I was having surgery during the period the test was open online. The professor wouldn't let me make it up.

That's life. See more professionals.

I've already started seeing a medical specialist. Sadly, after two surgeries, a gastric emptying scan, and an assortment of many, many other tests of varying levels of discomfort, all they did was find some inflammation.

And I'm going to write you some more in a private message, not because I like to torture you, but because I'm genuinely concerned for your well-being because of your sick outlook on life. And no, I'm not going to be nice and politically correct any more, but it's not because I hate you, but because I'm worried.

Ah, it's okay to lecture me if you disagree with the way I'm handling things. I know I'm not doing it perfectly, let alone a hundred percent correctly, but I am working on it. Hopefully I improve as time goes on. One of the most difficult things to deal with with this illness is the fact that the catalyst was a person. And it could become very easy to direct all my anger, my distress, and maybe even hatred towards that one person.

I forced myself to forgive, even if I couldn't forget it. (I get reminded of what happened every time I look in the mirror and see my emaciated body, and am unable to do some very basic things.) There's no point in bothering with that man anymore. He's not at all remorseful, and in fact when I did confront him so many months ago, he said if I was hurt by the things he did to me, then that was my own fault. I'm no longer really angry about it, though it's difficult being in the same room as him when I do see him occasionally at school.

I admit, these were difficult things to deal with, and I might not have done a 'good' or the 'right' job on them. I at the very least did the best that I could. I think that's all we can do.

The physical illness is still here, and it got a little better when school ended this winter, so I definitely think that there's a major psychological component. Now, I don't mean to be unsympathetic to people going through difficult times, and having to deal with issues in their lives. I do draw the line at making other people suffer because you're suffering, however. That's inexcusable. And that's really all I mean by my post. You have problems? That's fine. Deal with them, seek help if you need it. But I don't think it's justifiable to take out your problems on people who have nothing to do with it. That's all.